Real Life Stories
Get ready to read some stories from people who have chosen abstinence or secondary virginity. You may not have made your decision yet, but like everyone in these stories, a decision for abstinence or secondary virginity can be a decision that will make your future a better one. For those of you who have chosen abstinence or secondary virginity get ready to be inspired! Click here to check out some stories of people like you who have chosen to save sex for marriage and have reaped the benefits of waiting!
Growing up through elementary and middle school I had known based on my upbringing that it was suggested that I should wait to have sex until marriage. However, it always seemed like a rule that was meant to be broken, as I saw it happening everywhere: in the media, news, and even starting to happen in my school around me. In tenth grade health, our teacher announced that we would be having an abstinence speaker come to our class. As terrible as this sounds, I thought abstinence was just an excuse for people that didn’t have enough “game,” or were not attractive enough to actually have sex. Our speaker came, and did not fit any of my preconceived stereotypes. He was a relatively young and married, he wasn’t awkward but actually was very fun. He shared his story of abstinence, and about his relationship with his wife in a way that you don’t usually hear people talk about marriage: with genuine happiness. He also talked about real life examples of the pain, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual, that sex before marriage can bring. For the first time in my life abstinence seemed not only like the best choice, but an attainable choice. I realized that he was not against sex, or about ruining the fun of sex, but taught that the best sex, comes within a committed marriage relationship. Now being married to my best friend, I could not be more happy with my decision!
When I was in the seventh grade my school had a speaker come in to our health class and talk to us about abstinence. As I was sitting there listening to her I remember thinking that there was a lot of wisdom in what she was saying and I knew she was speaking truth. As she went through different points of her talk I was thinking to myself well that is a good idea and that makes sense, it would be a wise thing to do. By the end of class I had made the decision that I would stay abstinent until I got married. What she said that day impacted me and reinforced what I had learned at home and from my church. I stuck with that decision and stayed abstinent until my wedding night. That decision saved me from a lot of heartache, grief, worrying and regrets that I’m glad I didn’t have to walk through. It was one of the best, most healthy and rewarding decisions I have ever made! When the opportunity came up to speak for the Abstinence Resource Center I was very excited to bring into the classroom the same experience I had as a seventh grader. My hope is that as they listen to me they see the wisdom and truth in what I’m saying and that they make an informed and healthy decision for their lives to stay abstinent until marriage. To be able to speak truth and health into the lives of the students is incredibly rewarding!! I absolutely love what the Abstinence Resource Center does for the students we get to speak to!
Dani – 13 years old
I am a 13 year old girl (turning 14 soon!) I choose abstinence today (and have always believed in it), but today someone from the abstinence resource center came to our school and talked to us about it, I really have always wanted to wait, but the person who came and talked to us made me want to wait to have sex till marriage even more. I am proud to say that I have chosen abstinence so I can give that gift to my future husband.
Brittany – 21 years old
When I was in my freshman year of high school I made the decision to abstain from sex until marriage. I grew up in a family that did not understand my decision, a family that even mocked and poked fun at me because of it. Six years later, at the age of 21, I am more certain than ever before that I made the best decision possible. I have had a number of boyfriends, and have been in love 3 times, yet I am currently single. I am so incredibly happy that I did not give myself to any of those guys, as I am no longer with them. I have experienced the pain of a break up after being physical, and I know that with each boundary crossed, the heartache becomes more intense. I have found that my relationships have a heightened sense of emotional connection since sex is not a factor; we focus on getting to know one another rather than “hooking up”. I want to honor my husband, to give myself entirely to him, with no comparison, and I really hope that he does the same for me.
Marjia – 20 years old
I am a 20 year old virgin, and that is something I am proud of achieving. When I was in high school, I saw a lot of my friends go through bad breakups. I watched them worry all the time about getting pregnant or an STI. Both of my brothers became teen dads at a young age. I saw how much it changed their lives; paying child support, visitations, and dealing with ex-girlfriends. Seeing all of this crap made me decide that I was not going to be like them. I was only going to have sex or even be physically active with one person, and that person was going to be my husband. So far I am extremely pleased with my results. I can go to bed each night and not wonder if I’m pregnant, or have an STI. I don’t wonder if the guy I just slept with just wanted to use me or if he really loves me. I know my husband will give me the best sex ever, because I won’t be comparing him to my last five boyfriends. When I have sex for the first time on my wedding night, I am going to be excited to be with him and him alone, instead of feeling hurt and disappointed. So for my good, my future-husband, and my family that’s why I committed to be abstinent.
I chose to stay abstinent from sex when I was young and have stayed faithful to that commitment. I know that sex is great and that my virginity is something I can only give once so I don’t want to waste it on just some girl. Then when it comes time to be with the one person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, I give her sloppy seconds. I don’t want any girls to distract me from the intimacy that I will have with my wife. There’s no doubt that abstinence is one of the hardest struggles facing our generation but it is something that guys as well as girls can do, just like I have.
Molly – 27 years old
At the age of 13, I made one of the best decisions in my life – choosing to postpone sex until marriage. Now, 14 years later, at age 27, I have absolutely no regrets about my choice. I have everything left to give one man. Some might say that I have missed out, because of my choice to set high standards. I agree that I have missed out… on consequences and regret! I don’t have to worry about STD’s or pregnancy. I have no emotional pain from past relationships. I have experienced unbelievable freedom from my choice to wait for sex. And best of all, I have everything left to give, and I will be giving myself fully to my husband on June 27, 2009, when I get married!
Jenny – 27 years old
I made a decision to choose abstinence for my life and I stayed true to that commitment. When I was 15 years old, I made a decision that I wanted to save sex for one man only and that was my future husband. Choosing abstinence was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. It kept me free from any risk of STDs or an unplanned pregnancy. It also kept my heart from being broken after bonding with someone by having sex then breaking up. My decision also enabled me to achieve my goals, have healthy relationships, and have a lot of fun just being young. In relationships, I was able to relax and have fun and really get to know the person for who they were without sex becoming the focus in my relationships. I also had a confidence that the person I was dating liked me for who I was, not just for what I could give him.
Last year I got married to the man I’d been waiting for and it was amazing to find out that he had waited for me too! I know that waiting for sex can be hard, but I promise you if you choose to wait you will never regret that decision. When you get married, you will be able to experience the best sex ever. After all, “The best things in life are worth waiting for.”
Nora – 32 years old
My name is Nora. I used to be a professional wrestler with the WWE. My stage name was Molly Holly. I am a 32 year old virgin who plans to wait until my wedding night to have sex.
Life is stressful enough without having to worry about STD’s and unplanned pregnancy.
I have met many who regretted their first sexual experience, but I know I won’t regret mine.
Janelle – 28 years old
Freedom. Isn’t that what everyone wants? Freedom of speech, freedom of religion … the list goes on. I made a decision in early junior high that has given me freedom for many years. When I was about 12, I made the decision to choose abstinence; I had heard about it a lot, but it wasn’t until junior high that I made a commitment to be abstinent from sex until marriage. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it! As a 28 year old now, I look back on the choices I’ve made and know I’ve made the right choice. I’ve been able to do a lot in my life without having to worry about the consequences being sexually active can bring. I have had opportunities to be sexually active, but because I have made this choice prior to those situations, I have been able to stick with it. I have set strict boundaries for relationships that I am in, and have made sure the guys I date are on the same page. I look back on my choice to choose abstinence and would not change that decision for anything in the world.
Jon – 28 years old
It’s hard to be a guy or girl nowadays and wait for marriage to have sex. I decided early on though, that sex was something so special that it was worthwhile for me to wait to share it for the first time with my wife.
It was such an incredible gift to get married this year to a woman who had waited for sex too! I can’t even express how it felt to receive the gift from her – of being the only person that she had ever shared such incredible intimacy with. We didn’t have to worry about past experiences, STDs, or pregnancy and it allowed us to have incredible security and gratefulness towards each other. It was the best gift I’ve ever received.
Wait – It’s worth it, for you and your spouse!
Melody – 24 years old
When I was in junior high, my parents took me aside while we were camping and gave me “the talk” about the birds and the bees and the facts of life. My dad explained the importance of remembering that I am valuable and any guy who wants to talk me into having sex does not respect me for who I am. He shared that sex is more than two people in a physical act, it is intimacy that involves the connection between two people spiritually, mentally, and emotionally too.
To explain sexual purity, my dad told me, “It’s like opening a soda can. Once you break the seal, it can never be the same. You can tape it or move the metal piece back to its original position, but it won’t be as good as new anymore. That’s why it’s important to protect your sexual purity and save it for your husband someday.”
Because I expressed a desire to remain sexually abstinent until marriage, my parents bought me a ring to remind me of the commitment I made. There have been times when giving in to the desire for sex would have been easy, but I didn’t because I believe strongly in saving this gift for my husband. So often you hear people making offhand comments about those who choose to wait until marriage to have sex, but I value myself and my future husband enough to wait. I refuse to awaken love before it is time, and I know it will help to form a more solid marriage later.
Secondary Virginity Stories
David – 30 years old
At the age of 17 I lost my virginity. I thought that it would be a monumental moment. In reality it left me empty. All the guy friends I thought I would tell! I told none of them. I worried about whether I had an STD or that she might be pregnant. I gave something away I could never get back: my virginity my innocence and my purity. I had other sexual relations for a number of years afterwards. It wasn’t until I made friends with people who were being abstinent as a choice and saw all the great benefits that I decided to change my behavior. Today and every day from here on I choose secondary virginity. Today I’m looking for that special one. So I wait, but my life is not on pause, at 30 I have never felt like I am missing out on anything. Abstaining is actually liberating. It takes a lot of the social stress off, and allows me to be who I truly am, happy and free. I really do not worry at all who my special one is going to be. I just know she is going to be awesome, because I get to choose on right terms.
At fifteen I went to a party with my friends. We were at Brady’s house. He was a hot senior guy who I had never had the guts to talk to. I knew that all the girls liked him so I was intimidated by him. He was way too cool for me. We partied all night, playing drinking games. On the way home my friend Molly told me that Brady had told her that he was interested in me! I was shocked and excited. So the next day we went out to his house again. I found myself on the couch with him watching a show. We had barely even talked but we were already holding hands, then he looked into my eyes and kissed me. Before I knew it he was leading me up to his parent’s bedroom. I knew what was going to happen if I didn’t stop it. I knew what he was expecting, but didn’t care. All I knew was that a lot of my friends were already having sex. This hot guy wanted me. And I didn’t care I was going to do it.
I gave away my virginity that night. I gave away my virginity to a guy that I knew nothing about and a guy where I was just the number ten on his sex list. We did end up dating for a year and a half. Many times we were scared to death that I was pregnant. I was afraid that I would have to quit sports, tell my parents, and give all my dreams over to raise this kid. I knew that because he had been with so many people I had a huge chance of getting an STD. I broke my parent’s hearts when they found out that we were having sex. And you know what broke up our relationship?… I told him after a year or so, that I just couldn’t have sex anymore and that I wanted to wait until I was married – that’s what broke us up.
The reason I’m sharing my story is because I don’t want you to have to go though what I did. Girls, he may really care about you, but does he care enough…does he love you enough to not have sex with you. Do you care enough about him not to pressure him? A man who has control to wait…now that is a real man. Men are you strong enough to stand up against this culture, to say that you are real men and not sex obsessed animals that the culture is making you to be? I believe you are. Will you just follow the crowd of your generation or be a LEADER? Stand your ground. Protect you future wife. If some guy is dating your future wife wouldn’t you want him to protect her?
Tiffany – 23 years old
They always say that your first time is your best time. I think whoever said that was wrong. I chose secondary virginity and my best time was on my wedding night. It truly felt like the first time I really experienced what sex was supposed to be; there was such an amazing difference. The man I married was the man I gave my virginity to 2 years earlier. So no one can say I married a guy who was “better at it.” There is something that happens when sex is inside marriage that changes everything. We may have made mistakes but we decided to wait together.
If you’re already in a relationship, you can commit to secondary virginity too and experience the wonderful benefits of waiting until marriage!
I didn’t start dating until college. Before I started dating I made a decision that I was going to wait until I got married. There were times when I really didn’t want to wait but I had already made my mind up that I would. It wasn’t until I got engaged to my now husband that waiting became very difficult!! I thought, “Well we are going to be married next summer, what could it hurt?” Boy was I wrong!! I was in a constant state of guilt of not keeping with my commitment to abstinence and fear that I might be pregnant. Besides all of that, sex was not that enjoyable and it was hurting our relationship. It became more about the sex than spending time with my best friend. We finally decided that we needed to stop having sex. We remained abstinent for the next 10 months as we got ready for our wedding. We proved to each other how much we valued each other and our relationship. I gained so much respect for my husband because of that. I also have to say that our wedding night was AWESOME and so worth the wait!!! We celebrated 16 years of marriage this summer.